It's become a painstakingly difficult time to live through. Two of the artists I've come to respect have passed away. The only thing I notice on social media is the reminders of the grief and sorrow of the people who truly treasure them. The articulate, well-versed words elaborating their immense appreciation of what they have done. These legends are known as David Bowie and Alan Rickman.

While I do have a tendency to craft such a tribute to how these individuals contributed to my appreciation for the artistic endeavor, I wish to write about how one's loss reminds us (particularly, me) of the benefits of the little things.

Loss is excruciating. One's imagination could depict that concept. 

When my grandfather passed away, I was in Toronto in the midst of acquiring my Bachelor's in Film Production. It was an ordinary Thursday night, where I was about to leave to meet with a friend at a college bar nearby my residence. Minutes before I met with her, my mother sent me a text that described the tragic news that my grandfather had passed. I did not know how to process it, but i knew I needed a drink. I don't know how much a drank that night, but I knew i consumed a lot of cheap beer.

Cut to mid-2013, on the first day of Fan Expo. I had to go and film part of "Rogue In Real Life", my documentary for the last year in Film School. Hours before the convention began, I received a message via Facebook. Message from my father stating that my great grandmother had passed. I was never close to my great grandmother. When we met in Malaysia, we were halted by our language barrier, since I was unable to speak a word of Chinese. I carried on doing my job for the next four days of the convention, and by the time they were done, I cried. I didn't know why; I did not know anything about my grandmother.

And that's the problem I face. Not appreciating things until I lose them. I never thought to ask my great grandmother how she felt about what she does and what transpires her to make the decisions that she has to live with. I never inquired about my great grandmother's health, but I took it for granted that she might live longer for me, while to gain the confidence to talk to her. I never inquired to understand how to communicate to these people, and that is traumatizing to me.

So the lesson I blatantly showcase here is to appreciate everything, Simply, because you never know when whoever you love could evaporate from this world. I feel nothing but broken, when it comes to these situations. However, the sole aspect that I could continuously contain in my soul is solely how it feels like to care about the people I love and respect. Of course, despite the fact whether or not I spend an overwhelming time period with them, it feels irrelevant. I'm confused; I still don't know what to make of these instances, despite it's true longevity period. 

I am grateful regards to people who decides to take the time to deal with me. These people meant lot to me, I feel insignificant, merely because I feel inadequate in communicating how I truly felt. I feel it doesn't really matter. Because some of the people I respect are dead. 

I wish I could accurately exemplify how much their presence means to me.

I am sorry. 

Kevin ShakComment